been not long since my last update of this journal thing. but I've gone through some heavy stuff recently, my pet birdy passed away from cancer, and made me very very sad. I feel like every time i have some good things going there is something out there to make sure i get crushed right back down. I've been feeling really hopeless because of it. What is the point of trying when all i have to look forward to is disappointment. i feel so lost. I just don't know what to do anymore in this wretched existence. such is this struggle we call life.